


Dangers in your dark.

by RussianSunflower3



Series: Answered ask meme answers [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Supportive Oikawa, dealing with depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 08:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9377318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RussianSunflower3/pseuds/RussianSunflower3
Summary: "There are only so many times I can watch you break before I start to crack."





	

Oikawa pushes himself too far. That much is known to the whole team. He even risked his knee, and got injured, by pushing himself too far. But he wasn’t broken. He never broke. He stressed, and he fell, and he stumbled, but he always stood back up again with pride and dignity. No, Oikawa wasn’t the type to break.

Not from his own actions anyways. But there was far more to him than pride and his playful attitude when relaxed. He was caring, he was loving, and he loved his team more than anything else. He loved one of them slightly more than the rest. 

When Oikawa fell, he stood back up and carried on as strong as before, unafraid to let others see him blazing into the light, knowing he had come back from a drop in performance or well-being. But when Hanamaki fell, he fell in the shadows. He kept it quiet, and only Oikawa - with his perception and kind heart - noticed quick enough to reach out and pull him from the darkness.

Oikawa didn’t break. But Hanamaki did. He broke frequently, silently, and barely pulled himself together before breaking again. Oikawa tried to stop him. He tried metaphorically wrapping Hanamaki in safety blankets - words of _“I love you, you’re doing so well, you’re improving more than you think”_ , and gentle slaps on the back, and encouraging hand on his shoulder, a congratulatory high-five.

But Hanamaki still broke. His heart by this point was thin ceramic, easily dropped whenever the darkness brushed against him. His mind was splintering, happiness and enthusiasm replaced by self-doubt and the belief that someone else could do better than him, at everything.

He wasn’t clever. Put into class 2 - he broke. It took Oikawa helping him study to understand the material and learn what the teachers couldn’t make him remember. He was moved up a class, and he healed. He _was_ clever, he just learnt differently than the method the school taught.

He wasn’t loved. His mother barely spoke to him, so busy with work and his younger siblings. His father had left long ago, when his youngest sister had been born. It broke him, many times over. Oikawa had held him tightly, whispered sweet things in his ears, and encouraged him to spend time with his family instead of avoiding them because they already had something to do. He started to join in his siblings games, and he healed. He _was_ loved, he just had to reach out for it, instead of wait for it.

He wasn’t broken. Not anymore. He breathed out a sigh of relief and leant into Oikawa’s side as they sat in his bedroom, watching playbacks from their volleyball quarter-final against Karasuno. He watched himself miss a serve receive. He watched himself set to Kunimi a little low. He watched himself rammed off the court lines by Kyoutani stealing his spike. Because he wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t _good_. He wasn’t _good **at all**_ -

“Takahiro.” He lifts his head, not realising he’d dropped it, to look at Oikawa. Their hands are squeezed together, and Oikawa bites his bottom lip nervously.

“Don’t break.”

“Wh- What?”

“You’re an amazing player, and an even better person. I know it’s hard to watch this and not see all your mistakes… But look at all the _achievements_ you made! You were beautiful out there, so please… P-Please, don’t break.” It’s now that Hanamaki sees the water swirling in Oikawa’s eyes and he realises what’s happening.

Oikawa has dipped into darkness so many times to find him, to save him, that the shadows are starting to claim him too. Oikawa doesn’t break - but he’s starting to fracture. Oikawa draws in a deep breath, blinks away the moisture, and looks Hanamaki in the eye with soft determination.

“I love you. But I am not your therapist. There are only so many times I can watch you break before I start to crack. If you need help, I’m here. But I need to know when it’s getting rough _before_ you break. I can help you then.”

“I-… I don’t get warnings, sometimes… It just hits me…” Oikawa hums in thought, his face screwed up with concentration. Hanamaki is silent, not watching the screen for the last few moments, not wanting to see the failed block and their ultimate loss against Karasuno. As the dvd blanks itself, Oikawa opens his eyes with victory in them. He’s thought of something.

“Then I’ll come with you! To a therapist! You say you won’t go because you don’t want to talk alone with someone like that, right?”

“R-right?”

“If I sit with you, you won’t _be_ alone! I’ll just be there for physical comfort and keep you safe! Will you go, if I come with you?” Hanamaki silently breathes in. Out. In. Out. He looks into Oikawa’s eyes again. If he looks hard enough, he thinks he can see the beginning of a crack from where Oikawa is desperately trying to save him from breaking again. Hanamaki doesn’t want him, proud and strong, kind and loving, to break as well.

“I’ll go. If you’ll come with me, I’ll go.” When Oikawa beams, Hanamaki feels like the outreaching darkness shrinks a little. Just a little. It’ll grow again, that’s for sure, but he’s agreed to help and knowing Oikawa supports him this much?

He’ll do everything in his power to make sure he doesn’t break again. If he does, well, he’ll learn to stand on his own two feet again. In time, he’ll only be left with the scars, and he’ll proudly be able to say;

#### “I broke. But I got back up.”


End file.
